Cracking the Nut by Miles Borrero
My yogic journey has been a beautiful one, for the most part. I love the code for authentic living that yoga proposes. In fact, I have dedicated my life to it for the last twenty-something years. There have been times, however, when I have felt at odds with, or bound by, a teaching that I have, at other times, completely resonated with.
Though discomfort is most often a signpost that we are growing and learning, occasionally, it can also be a red flag pointing to something that is not healthy for us. It feels like sacrilege to say that spiritual teachings can be a double-edged sword, like we shouldn’t question something so old. But they are there precisely for the questioning. That is what makes them teachings. And developing this discernment is exactly what yoga is about.
It’s called viveka– a state in which there are no external distractions to prevent our clear perception. And if we develop it, it becomes a super power. Like cleaning the muck off of the window, giving us the ability to examine things with nuance, unafraid of complexity. And this leads us to the ultimate reward—freedom. The freedom to choose.
If we talked about these sticky moments more openly, how to navigate them, perhaps we’d be kinder, more empathic, and more importantly, better able to use the teachings in our lives. This passage from my upcoming memoir, BEAUTIFUL MONSTER, cracks open one of these teachings. Enjoy, Yogis!
~ Miles Borrero Yoga Teacher and Author of BEAUTIFUL MONSTER
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The heart of Raghu’s teachings is distilled in this koan—
I am not the body
I am not the mind
I am something divine
Words that set in motion profound healing for me. Hearing that who I am is perfect, divine even...is radical. Diametrically opposed to the worldview I’ve been handed up until now—that of a lowly sinner. They also feel aligned with the world I’d like to live in. A whole, connected, abundant world. So I glom onto them, the words. They become a kind of mantra, a code. My spiritual compass. My North as I navigate these new, uncharted waters. Revealing a way of life where there’s space for everyone’s unique gift. Making me, us, you and me, greater than the sum of our parts. I take the words to heart and for a while, they fill my life with a sense of belonging and purpose I have lacked.
I am not the body
I am not the mind
I am something divine
But, as healing goes sometimes: I begin to unravel. For this mantra holds one of the most impossible, confusing riddles of my life. On the one hand, it says I am worthy—as is. Divine! On the other: if I am enough, why do I feel like I need to change something essential about myself? Especially something material?
A deep dissonance gnaws constantly at me now. I’ve been aware though unaware of its existence for as long as I can remember. Corseting myself too tightly all these years—literally, with the bra that pancakes my breasts painfully against my chest—has restrained the thunder from rising just enough. But the elastic is about to give way. I feel this something stalking every inch of negative space inside me, like a caged animal ready to break loose.
Sensing the epic come-apart, I discipline the ancient depths of myself with these teachings, secretly punishing my desire to change. If this body is truly just a rental for this lifetime, then what does my biology matter? Just because someone has a Mercedes doesn’t mean they are the Mercedes. Isn’t it about the driver, not the car? Then what does my sex matter? What does what people, or I, think of it, or call it, matter? This is an amazing body, isn’t it? It’s healthy, works hard for me. I’ve even come to terms with the way it looks. I’ve never hated it, even though aspects of it make me uncomfortable. That’s just the price of admission on being human, no? Bodies are weird. What more can I possibly want? Maybe I can just ride it out for this lifetime.
And yet, my yogic discipline does little to quell the nagging question, Wouldn’t life be so much better without my breasts?
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
There it is.
I am not the body
I am not the mind
I am something divine
No. The teachings imply I can learn to exist as is. Within my duality. Quell these feelings through practice. Which is how I turn these beloved words into the double-edged razor I use to become a spiritual cutter. Making small, just painful enough incisions in my subtle body every time my spirit digs its heels in, yelling, “YOU’RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!”
I AM NOT THE BODY
I AM NOT THE MIND
I AM SOMETHING DIVINE
AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Until I realize...just how wrong I’ve been.
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Phoenix Friends: ‘This Groove is in the Heart’ with Miles Borrero
This side-bendy, leg-strengthening, slow-burning, delicious practice is meant to energize and revitalize your heart chakra.
